Uncle Mikey Cleans Up Videoland
by Tuxedo Mark
Summary: This is an intentionally bad story that was written to invite ranting on Godawful Fan Fiction. Ignore.


**Captain N: The Game Master**

"Uncle Mikey Cleans Up Videoland"

Written By  
Mark Moore

Author's note: The following is an advance preview of the revival of the old Captain N fanfic continuation that I'm planning to start this September. It will fill in the gaps between the end of Season 8 and "The N64 Team" and "The N64 Team" and "Power, Wisdom, Courage".

This continuation of the continuation (continuation, part 2?) introduces a bold new style of storytelling: one-scene fanfics. Every episode will be one long, intense battle with plenty of action and fierce fighting.

This fanfic was also partly inspired by Marvel Comics' Max imprint line of comics for mature readers. There's a lot of the same hot edginess to this story.

I wrote this story from Tuesday, April 27, 2004, 10:20:18 PM to Thursday, June 3, 2004, 11:46 PM. Comments and reviews, both good and bad, are welcome. Enjoy the story.

Saturday, September 13, 1997, 9:00 AM 

It was a nice, peaceful day in Outworld - peaceful for Shao Khan, that is. He was busy directing his army at slaughtering helpless villagers. "Ah-ha-ha-ha!" Shao Khan laughed. "Bow to me, you weak, pathetic fools!" _"Kill 'em all!!!"_ Mike Vincent screamed. Mike, Lana, Samus, Rick, Stacey, Kevin, and Kristen ran into the fray. Mike, Lana, and Kevin were firing their Zappers. Samus was firing her arm cannon. Rick was firing his Super Scope. Stacey was firing her Power Glove. Kristen was firing a laser rifle. _"All of you fuckers will die!!!"_ Mike screamed. _"You fuckin' hear me, you fuckin' assholes?!!!"_ The N Team and Kristen were shooting and killing Shao Khan's army. "Who the fuck are you?!" Shao Khan demanded. "Wouldn't _you_ like to know, you fuckin' fucker?!" Mike yelled. "Kill 'em all! Let the Gods sort them out! Oh, but spare the innocent villagers!" "Insolence!" Shao Khan yelled. "You dare defy me, the great Shao Khan?!" "Fuck, yeah!" Mike replied. "I'm Uncle Mikey, and I'm on a quest to clean up Videoland - starting with you! My fellow teammates and I will slaughter you! Let us sing, fellow teammates!" "Metallica!" Kevin suggested. "Fuck, yeah!" Mike agreed. "Don't you leave me, Father Time. Take me with you. Tell me; does your sun still shine? Come, squeeze the world, and drip it down my throat...oh, yeah. Down my throat again,...woooah. You got to breathe, man, breathe! Coming up for air. Breathe, man, breathe! Coming up for air. Touch me, so I think I'm here. Skin my senses. Barely breathing. Minus Human. Please squeeze the world and drip it down my throat again. Down my throat again,...woooah. You got to breathe, man, breathe! Coming up for air. Breathe, man, breathe! Coming up for air. You got to breathe, man, breathe! Coming up for air. Breathe, man, breathe! Coming up for! Okay, Keene, you know what time it is?!" "What time is it?!" Kevin asked. "It's fuckin' killin' time!" Mike yelled. "We're gonna fuckin' kill all of these fuckin' motherfuckers!" "Fuck, yeah!" Kevin agreed. "Let's fuckin' kill 'em all!" "Will you two shut the fuck up already and just fuckin' kill?!" Lana demanded. "Okay, okay! Have some fuckin' patience! Don't be such a fuckin' bitch!" Mike yelled. "What the fuck did you call me?!" Lana asked. "Nothing!" Mike replied. "Okay, everybody, sing with me! Oh, things are looking bad! The shit is hitting the fan! But now let's all be glad! Happy times are here again! _Uncle Mikey's cleaning up Videoland!!!"_ "Shut the fuck up, you fuckin' retard!" Samus yelled. "I'm gonna kill 'em! I'm gonna fuckin' fuck those fuckers up! Fuckin' kill 'em! Ain't no fuckin' way it's gonna stop! _Uncle Mikey's cleaning up Videoland!!!"_ Mike sang. "Shut the fuck up, Mike!" Stacey yelled. "I'm so fuckin' awesome! I fuckin' rule the fuckin' universe! If I was 2 people, I'd rape myself and be so perverse! _Uncle Mikey's cleaning up Videoland!!!"_ Mike sang. "Shut the fuck up, you fuckhead!" Kristen yelled. "Old MacDonald had a farm, e-i-e-i-o! And on that farm, he had a whore, e-i-e-i-o! With a fuck fuck here and a fuck fuck there, here a fuck, there a fuck, everywhere a fuck fuck! Old MacDonald fucked some ass, e-i-e-i-o!" Mike sang. "Dude, didn't you hear the ladies?!" Rick asked. "Shut the fuck up!" "Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" Mike yelled. "Shut the fuck up, Mike!" Lana, Samus, Rick, Stacey, Kevin, and Kristen yelled. Mike smirked. "If you can't stand the fuckin' heat, go back to the safety of your fuckin' house! I'm a _real_ man! Anyone else that's a real man here, raise yur fuckin' hand right fuckin' now!" Kevin raised his left hand. "Fuck, yeah! I'm a fuckin' real man!" Rick raised his left hand. "Fuck, yeah! _I'm_ a fuckin' real man!" Mike raised his left hand. "Fuck, yeah! _I'm_ a fuckin' real man, _too!_ So, _what_ are we gonna fuckin' do, real men?!" "Fuckin' kill 'em all!" Kevin and Rick yelled. "And do you know _how_ the fuck we're gonna fuckin' kill 'em all?!" Mike asked. "How?!" Kevin asked. "With some fuckin' help!" Mike exclaimed. "Sonya Blade!" Sonya ran out in front of the N Team and started fighting some bad guys. "Kitana!" Mike yelled. Kitana ran out in front of the N Team and started fighting some bad guys. "Jade!" Mike yelled. Jade ran out in front of the N Team and started fighting some bad guys. "Mileena!" Mike yelled. Mileena ran out in front of the N Team and started fighting some bad guys. "Chun Li!" Mike yelled. Chun Li ran out in front of the N Team and started fighting some bad guys. "Let Mortal Kombat begin!" Mike declared. The N Team members threw their weapons to the ground and started fighting Shao Khan's army hand-to-hand and foot-to-foot. "Man, I so wish we could play some kick-ass techno music!" Kevin exclaimed. "We've got the next best thing!" Mike exclaimed. "That can I; at least, the whisper goes so. Our last king, whose image even but now appear'd to us, was, as you know, by Fortinbras of Norway, thereto prick'd on by a most emulate pride, dar'd to the combat; in which our valiant Hamlet, for so this side of our known world esteem'd him, did slay this Fortinbras; who, by a seal'd compact, well ratified by law and heraldry, did forfeit, with his life, all those his lands, which he stood seiz'd of, to the conqueror: against the which, a moiety competent was gaged by our king; which had return'd to the inheritance of Fortinbras, had he been vanquisher; as by the same cov'nant, and carriage of the article design'd, his fell to Hamlet. Now, sir, young Fortinbras, of unimproved mettle hot and full, hath in the skirts of Norway, here and there, shark'd up a list of lawless resolutes, for food and diet, to some enterprise that hath a stomach in't; which is no other, as it doth well appear unto our state, but to recover of us, by strong hand, and terms compulsatory, those foresaid lands so by his father lost: and this, I take it, is the main motive of our preparations, the source of this our watch, and the chief head of this post-haste and romage in the land." "Doo-doo-doo-doo! Doo-doo-doo-doo! Doo-doo-doo-doo! Ah! Ah!" Stacey and Kristen sang. "Where have all the good men gone, and where are all the Gods?" Samus sang. "Where's the streetwise Hercules to fight the rising odds? Isn't there a white knight upon a fiery steed? Late at night, I toss, and I turn, and I dream of what I need. I need a hero. I'm holding out for a hero 'til the end of the night. He's gotta be strong, and he's gotta be fast, and he's gotta be fresh from the fight. I need a hero. I'm holding out for a hero 'til the morning light. He's gotta be sure, and he's gotta be soon, and he's gotta be larger than life, larger than life." "Doo-doo-doo-doo! Doo-doo-doo-doo! Doo-doo-doo-doo! Ah! Ah!" Stacey and Kristen sang. "Somewhere after midnight in my wildest fantasy, somewhere just beyond my reach, there's someone reaching back for me." Samus sang. "Racing on the thunder and rising with the heat, it's gonna take a Superman to sweep me off my feet! Yeah! I need a hero! I'm holding out for a hero 'til the end of the night! He's gotta be strong, and he's gotta be fast, and he's gotta be fresh from the fight! I need a hero! I'm holding out for a hero 'til the morning light! He's gotta be sure, and he's gotta be soon, and he's gotta be larger than life! I need a hero! I'm holding out for a hero 'til the end of the night! Up where the mountains meet the heavens above, out where lightning splits the sea, I could swear there is someone somewhere watching me! Through the wind and the chill and the rain and the storm and the flood, I can feel his approach like a fire in my blood!" "Like a fire in my blood, like a fire in my blood, like a fire in my blood, like a fire in my - Ah! Ah!" Stacey and Kristen sang. "We've got to pray just to make it today!" Mike exclaimed. "Sign a hymn, Kristen!" "Dominus Deus, exaudi nos et miserere. Exaudi, Dominus." Kristen sang while being the crap out of professional soldiers. "Dona nobis pacem et salva nos a hostibus. Salva nos, Deus. Dona nobis pacem et dona eis requiem. Inter ovas locum, voca me cum benedictis. Pie Jesu Domine, dona eis requiem. Dominus Deus, Sanctus, Gloria!" "Sonic Rings!" Sonya yelled and fired her Sonic Rings, killing a soldier. "Spinning Bird Lick!" Chun Li yelled and did her attack, killing a soldier. "Mike Fist!" Mike yelled and punched Shao Khan in the face. Shao Khan screamed in ground and fell to the pain and fell to the ground. Mike killed Shao Khan. "Fuck, yeah! I fuckin' rule! My fuckin' fists of fury rule! Feel the wreath of my closed fist!" "You tell him, Mike!" Kevin cheered. "We were on him faster than Marty McFly on a straight guy!" "Those gosh darn motherfuckers are dead!" Stacey cheered. "Fuck, yeah!" Mike exclaimed. "I fuckin' rule! _I fuckin' ruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuule!!!_ And you know what else?!" "What?!" Lana asked. _"Uncle Mikey has cleaned up Videoland!!!_ Mike exclaimed. "So, what do we do _now,_ Mike?" Lana asked. "We go to another world and fuckin' kill every last motherfuckin' villain on the whole fuckin' planet!" Mike declared. "Now, hold on there." Lana told him. "I let you lead the team for one fuckin' day, and you fuckin' led us on this fuckin' hard mission. Fuck that shit. We're going home." "Aw, fuck!" Mike complained. 

**GAME OVER**

Copyright © 2004 by Mark Moore 


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